I came perilously close to buying this T-shirt and making it
a permanent part of my official international travel wardrobe:
The T-shirt is sold, appropriately enough, by the fine folks
at struggling teen mall retailer and purveyor of amusing pizza-themed underwear
American Eagle Outfitters, and the “All ‘Murican” refers only to the wearer of
the shirt and not the shirt itself. (The shirt is “imported” per its product
description, manufactured in what I’m sure are humane and not-at-all
sweatshop-like conditions in a country whose workers are treated fairly and
unexploitily1.)
And despite it appealing to the hipster-asshole side of me
that likes things drenched in irony, I decided against it in part because
wearing that shirt abroad is basically akin to wearing a shirt that says “I’M
OBNOXIOUS, PLEASE MUG ME” emblazoned across the front.
But mostly I decided against it because I felt like I’d be
reinforcing all manner of American tourist stereotypes: loud, inconsiderate,
closed-minded, and zealously patriotic to the point of xenophobia.
Here’s the weird thing, though—the only people I’ve ever
heard complain of obnoxious American tourists are other Americans, usually as a
way of signaling that they’re among the few “good ones” and not the one of the
plebs in Hawaiian shirts who boarded in Zone 3 and will make a beeline for the
nearest McDonald’s as soon as they land. (I’ve also heard it from Canadians,
but—I mean this with affection and respect because I have nothing but genuine
love for our northern neighbours—we basically think of you guys as nice
Americans with poutine.)
And while I don’t doubt that there are many non-Americans
who find us annoying, the perpetuation of this stereotype feels a little bit like
haughty yet insecure Americans trying to prove their worldly bona fides by
shitting on their fellow countrymen—or, at least, their poorer, middle-American
countrymen. This isn’t just elitist; it seems to be factually inaccurate.
Consider this: I’m sure there are plenty of Americans who
are disrespectful and disdainful of other cultures, but those people generally
don’t travel internationally. Hell, they don’t even get passports—only around 40 percent of us have one, despite the American passport being among the most powerful—if not the most powerful—in the world.
That’s not to say that, if you don’t have a passport, you’re
uncultured ‘Murican swine; for instance, while the $135 application and
execution fees for first-time passport applicants aren’t oppressive, they’re
not nothing, and could very well represent a hardship for many families in a
tight financial spot. But getting a passport is an affirmative step that at
least suggests an interest in broadening one’s horizons and meeting people who
aren’t like you.
Plus, consider how notoriously overworked the average
American is and how few vacation days we get. (And consider a pervasive
corporate culture that guilts employees who actually use their vacation days
for anything other than sick days—and even then, are you sure you can’t wash
down a couple of Advils with a bottle of Purell and come in for a few hours?)
When an American—especially a working- and middle-class American—wants to
travel abroad, it’s kind of a big deal: we’ve made the decision to cobble
together several paychecks and our meager PTO not to do the easy thing (Las
Vegas, Disney World, etc.) but to visit someplace new and unfamiliar that takes
us out of our comfort zones. That’s kind of a weird thing for an asshole
tourist to do.
What is fair, though, is saying that many of us are less
sophisticated travelers. But to deride American tourists for that is like going
to a Planet Fitness and laughing at fat people at the treadmill. Yes, I get it—we
look hopelessly lame in Old Navy tees and cargo shorts2; our working
knowledge of other countries is gleaned largely from Roadblocks and Detours on The Amazing Race; and we speak only one
language because our high school only required two years of French, and even
then, we squeaked by based on what we learned from Muzzy3.
But there’s a lot that’s great about American tourists. We’re
friendly and warm and whatever your accent is, we’re instantly charmed by it. We’re
excited and enthusiastic about everything, and we don’t bother pretending we’re
not. We might not know your language, but we spent the plane ride over Googling
how to say please and thank you and how are you doing? and, damn it, we’re going to do our best to make
that work before moving onto pantomimes. And because of our country’s ridiculous
labor laws, we tip absurdly well. We may be annoying sometimes, but I think
there’s a lot to love about us.
My personal conspiracy theory is that this “obnoxious
American tourist” stereotype is just a way for some Americans to keep the rest
of us away from the world, sort of like how some folks don’t want their
favorite band to become too popular.
And the sad thing is, it works—at least some of those 60 percent of Americans
who don’t have passports have to be people who’ve been told that the rest of
the world will hate them so they don’t even bother. That’s bullshit.
So, my fellow Americans: stop with this stereotype. Stop repeating
it—it’s not self-deprecating; it’s condescending, because you know you’re not
talking about yourself when you say it. Stop fearing it—it’s not true, and
there are plenty of places who will love to have you.
But most importantly, stop letting it flourish. There’s an
easy way to stop it, and that’s by going abroad and being a counterexample. Plenty
of American qualities make us natural travelers if only we’d just go. We’re
curious, polite, adaptable, and a little brave—so let’s go. Worst comes to
worst, there’ll probably be a McDonald’s when we get there.
* * *
I know this is a defense of American tourists, but can I
take a moment to defend tourists in general? I never really understand why
people complain about tourists visiting their town, or why so many bumper
stickers and hacky cartoonists so frequently express a desire to murder visitors
with guns.
When a tourist visits, what they’re basically saying is, “Hey, I think your city is so cool that I’m going to use what little spare time I have to check it out, and I’m going to pump all this sweet money into your local economy. Hope you don’t mind!”
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Robert Ariail/Spartanburg Herald-Journal |
When a tourist visits, what they’re basically saying is, “Hey, I think your city is so cool that I’m going to use what little spare time I have to check it out, and I’m going to pump all this sweet money into your local economy. Hope you don’t mind!”
And no, I don’t
mind. I’m glad you’re here. Enjoy the beaches, y’all, and don’t forget there
are PubSubs at Publix if you get hungry. I might be biased, though—people from
out of state tend to be better drivers than Floridians, so, if nothing else,
the roads feel safer when they’re here4.
1Not an actual word.
2This was an actual outfit I wore. A lot. In my
defense, Italy’s pretty damn hot and everybody done scared me about muggers.
3Or Dora
the Explorer, for these damn latter-millenials with their youth and their Instagram and their damn 21st century Nickelodeon.
4For the purpose of this moment of empathy, I’m
not counting snowbirds as tourists. Those people will kill you.
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