When people use the phrase “kindness deficit,” they usually
mean “a lack of kindness”; e.g., “Our society is experiencing a kindness
deficit.”
People are free to use the phrase however they want, of course, but I
don’t like that definition. First, it makes the phrase kind of unnecessary (just
say “a lack of kindness,” right?), but more importantly, it ignores some of the
nuances in using the deficit analogy.
Here’s a better definition: Just like a budget deficit
occurs when a government spends more money than it takes in, a kindness deficit occurs when a person
gives more kindness than s/he receives.
This is a more serious problem than someone merely not getting
enough kindness. When people realize they’re giving much more love than they’re
getting, they regret it. They feel stupid. They correct it by slowly closing
their heart. They swear to never make the same mistake again.
And then the world becomes that much shittier.
It’s our job—all of us, collectively—to do what we can to prevent
each other from regretting being kind. Look, we’re not personally responsible
for rescuing every single human being, but we need to catch people when we can—when
we see that the universe is kicking someone’s ass who doesn’t deserve it; when
we see someone normally prodigal with their love start to be stingier with it; when
we see the spirit and warmth start to fade from someone’s eyes.
It’s easy to talk a big game about wishing the world was
friendlier and kinder and more wonderful, but this is what we can do to make it
so. It’s one of the worst things in the world to make some regret being kind;
corollarily, it’s one of the purest, most genuine acts of love to make someone
feel good about it.
So yeah. We don’t even have to make them break even or
anything. Most people don’t mind running a kindness deficit just as long as the
deficit isn’t large enough to make them throw up their arms and say fuck it all. We just need to catch
people when we can: large things are nice, but small things—a compliment, a
candy bar, a hug, a thoughtful note—can nudge a deficit towards manageable and buy
enough time until someone else more qualified can take over.
Human beings are warriors against misery, and we should be
on the same team.